TRUELIFE: I'm tumblr famous

I've been thinking a lot lately. which makes me wonder, when am i not thinking a lot? in fact, i think too much, i already know this is my problem. I've been thinking about my existence as i know it, the people i surround myself with, and the people I would never want to. the people that love me, the people that hate me, the people that hate themselves. I see so many people take themselves seriously with such bullshit. I see their tumblr famous, too hip to have emotions, vicariously indi personas, and I cant help but wonder if any of you know who you are. I dont know who I am, and I'll be the first to admit it. I'm more than positive at least one person has looked at me and put me in that cliche category of  lost and misguided teen starved for attention who pretends to be a million different thing, none of which she actually is. it seems like everything i do or am is judged. the bands I choose to listen to, the movies I watch, the things I collect, the hobbies I enjoy, the books I read, what drugs I do...I'm at a loss. I'm past the point of trying to defend myself of persecute others. When it comes down to it, this is all I know. I'm almost 17, I like to read, have since I was small. I want to be a tattoo artist, or maybe get into film. I consider myself an artist, not because it makes me hip, but because I am artistic. I love music, I play the guitar though I bet you'll never hear me play. I still listen to panic at the disco, and my taste in music has hardly changed in years. I used to go to raves because I thought they were fun, until I realized taking ecstasy and listening to shitty music in your underwear isnt an adequate way to escape life. I've tried to kill myself, I used to cut, I've had many instances with self starvation, and I have been diagnosed with bdd. I dont say these things because I want attention, or sympathy. I say them because its part of my short existence on this planet. I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done. I've been selfish, I've been immature, I've been rude. however, so has each and every other person I know. Its been a long time since I cared, and I can finally say I'm happy. I mind my own business, I surround myself with the people that make me smile, even if its only a small handful. I'm exactly where I should be. and I realize this is all irrelevant, and probably a joke. considering I dont make many truly personal posts, I dont expect anyone on here to care too much. but I felt like I needed to say all of this, and now I have. happy december 25th kids, see you in hell.